If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.