Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.