not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.