Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (574)

Last Night in Indiana (574)

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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.

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(574): If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time. http://tfl.nu/3esg

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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?

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meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?

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(574): should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band? (1-574): meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis? http://tfl.nu/hzbs

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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.

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(574): I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her. http://tfl.nu/9498

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I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?

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(574): I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight? http://tfl.nu/h1kj

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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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(574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig

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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.

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(574): We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head. http://tfl.nu/s37i

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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.

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No I didn't. Whiskey did.

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(765): You wore a man's plastic top hat last night. (574): No I didn't. Whiskey did. http://tfl.nu/63th

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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.

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(574): First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated. http://tfl.nu/ljxt

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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

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(574): I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed. http://tfl.nu/w2ei

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i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone

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(574): i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone http://tfl.nu/gkfm

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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?

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It has heated floors

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(574): Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom? (1-574): It has heated floors http://tfl.nu/xj5h

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You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...

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(574): You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/ux4f

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pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.

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(574): pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face. http://tfl.nu/q45o

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I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

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(574): I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA. http://tfl.nu/q47o

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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me

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(574): It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me http://tfl.nu/pd5w

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Last Night in Indiana (574)

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