Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
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apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
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