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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
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