Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.