Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If You LOL At These 18 Tweets, You’re Probably A Terrible Person
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Good Food, Cheap Beer, and Hot Singles: the Top 13 Cities for Millennials