my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.