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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
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