just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1