fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you