I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?