I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?