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ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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