Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?