I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??