it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this