I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.