Texts From Last Night

Last Night in South Dakota (605)

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  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
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  We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.

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  (605): We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy. http://tfl.nu/7hz1
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  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

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  (605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn
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  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

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  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
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  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

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  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
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  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

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  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
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  and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.

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  (605): and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno. http://tfl.nu/gxse
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  I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other

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  (605): I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other http://tfl.nu/boea
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  I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.

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  (605): I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry. http://tfl.nu/w271
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  just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?

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  (605): just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl? http://tfl.nu/v0ft
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  I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before

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  (605): I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before http://tfl.nu/b07w
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  I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.

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  (605): I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum. http://tfl.nu/8vy8
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  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

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  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
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  I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories

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  (605): I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories http://tfl.nu/0d8y
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  Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious

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  (605): Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious http://tfl.nu/m6oe
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