We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories