I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.