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direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
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