a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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