Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
