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you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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