When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.