i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool