dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?