You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones