I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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not ubering you a puppy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.