Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up