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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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