I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.