Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk