i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.