Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.