Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am