I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.