It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.