Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.