I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.