But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.