Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.