Texts From Last Night

Last Night in South Carolina (864)

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail

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  (864): I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail http://tfl.nu/plfb
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  bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex

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  (864): bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex http://tfl.nu/q1ec
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  and the officer said have you been drinking

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  and i said NOO SIR.

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  and he said, I am a woman.

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  (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. http://tfl.nu/8g3i
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  She announced her abortion via fbk

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  (864): She announced her abortion via fbk http://tfl.nu/kc9n
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  We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

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  (864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us. http://tfl.nu/xmtc
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  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
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  Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.

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  (864): Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume. http://tfl.nu/gbul
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  A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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  (864): A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier! http://tfl.nu/9qgj
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  Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.

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  (864): Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie. http://tfl.nu/k7pt
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  I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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  (864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/wo9k
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  you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.

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  (864): you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack. http://tfl.nu/rq5j
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  sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him

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  (864): sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him http://tfl.nu/vh2n
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  her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes

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  (864): her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes http://tfl.nu/t8i7
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  i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own

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  (864): i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own http://tfl.nu/koat
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  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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  (864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?! http://tfl.nu/q1jx
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