So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen