Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (864)

Last Night in South Carolina (864)

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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI

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(864): If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI http://tfl.nu/re47

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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."

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(864): Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy." http://tfl.nu/9d84

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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.

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(864): I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan. http://tfl.nu/kwpf

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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee

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(864): he has this weird thing where he watches me pee http://tfl.nu/0a5f

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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison

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(864): Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison http://tfl.nu/9c49

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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"

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Olive Garden will never be the same.

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(803): She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH" (864): Olive Garden will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/o2p7

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Sad Megan is Sad

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Have you been drinking my beer?

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(864): Sad Megan is Sad (1-864): Have you been drinking my beer? http://tfl.nu/x7xq

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Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...

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(864): Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right... http://tfl.nu/ms5r

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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"

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(864): I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY" http://tfl.nu/isd1

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Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.

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(864): Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some. http://tfl.nu/bkik

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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.

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(864): If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/qg7h

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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in

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(864): I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in http://tfl.nu/mz6f

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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am

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(864): Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am http://tfl.nu/oar5

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How bad is the voicemail?

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You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

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(864): How bad is the voicemail? (1-864): You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/kbpy

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So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me

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(864): So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me http://tfl.nu/4trs

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Last Night in South Carolina (864)

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