I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.