Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.