He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.