Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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  i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

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  (814): i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise http://tfl.nu/29uw
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  its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid

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  (814): its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid http://tfl.nu/32bb
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  How's my date look?

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  Like a retarded elf

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  In a good way

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  (443): How's my date look? (814): Like a retarded elf (814): In a good way http://tfl.nu/jjcc
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  The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.

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  (814): The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends. http://tfl.nu/0kea
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  He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.

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  (814): He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me. http://tfl.nu/md2z
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  Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.

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  (814): Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds. http://tfl.nu/uh0q
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  his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.

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  (814): his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun. http://tfl.nu/so1p
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  We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?

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  (814): We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest? http://tfl.nu/lgnx
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  Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.

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  (814): Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/nij2
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  The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.

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  (814): The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise. http://tfl.nu/8q09
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  I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class

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  (814): I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class http://tfl.nu/2lhx
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  The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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  (814): The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain. http://tfl.nu/8v87
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  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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  (814): My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed. http://tfl.nu/4uwe
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  I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...

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  (814): I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before... http://tfl.nu/3no3
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  iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls

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  (814): iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls http://tfl.nu/7ylt
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