Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL