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i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
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