Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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  I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.

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  (814): I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer. http://tfl.nu/0v9r
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  I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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  (814): I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls? http://tfl.nu/unf7
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  My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!

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  (814): My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween! http://tfl.nu/sc01
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  How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?

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  (814): How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed? http://tfl.nu/yb44
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  I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt

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  (814): I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt http://tfl.nu/8loq
  Replies (8) Good night (411) Bad night (1985)
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  I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is

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  (814): I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is http://tfl.nu/5aqp
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  since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.

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  (814): since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops. http://tfl.nu/bn1i
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  Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out

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  (814): Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out http://tfl.nu/m2bp
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  There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?

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  (814): There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/ijar
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  Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?

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  (814): Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke? http://tfl.nu/jbqp
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  Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?

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  (814): Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison? http://tfl.nu/qn7s
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  she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!

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  (814): she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!! http://tfl.nu/3a3w
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  The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.

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  (814): The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge. http://tfl.nu/3qou
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  Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.

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  (814): Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/kb3m
  Replies (11) Good night (2123) Bad night (446)
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  bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.

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  (814): bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles. http://tfl.nu/uozt
  Replies (11) Good night (2321) Bad night (455)