He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...