Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (814)

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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  (814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod
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  You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm a pro at the other 9-5

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  (814): You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you. (215): I'm a pro at the other 9-5 http://tfl.nu/i1o5
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  Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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  (814): Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck. (215): Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate. http://tfl.nu/mf4n
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  BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.

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  (814): BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team. http://tfl.nu/tfzh
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  i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!

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  (814): i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen! http://tfl.nu/wf7b
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  There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ........yyyyyyeah that's me

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  (814): There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours (301): ........yyyyyyeah that's me http://tfl.nu/xtm1
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  His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.

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  (814): His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place. http://tfl.nu/wrqc
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  I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.

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  (814): I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before. http://tfl.nu/yjkb
  Replies (2) Good night (979) Bad night (287)
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  Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"

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  (814): Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose" http://tfl.nu/62vb
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  You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

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  (814): You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party. http://tfl.nu/277a
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  I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He didn't think we needed a taxi

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  (814): I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving (301): He didn't think we needed a taxi http://tfl.nu/o7fa
  Replies (1) Good night (1363) Bad night (418)
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  currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in

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  (814): currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight (814): I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in http://tfl.nu/2u0u
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  The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.

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  (814): The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out. http://tfl.nu/7070
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  So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.

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  (814): So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird. http://tfl.nu/r3xq
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order

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  (814): Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything (1-814): Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order http://tfl.nu/zkyg
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