Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you never un-have a 4some
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.