For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!