They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.