there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence