No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.