Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
where are my pants?
in the oven.