We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there