Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.