We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY