He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE