theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle