You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever