Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny