Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (732)

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.

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  (732): I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this. http://tfl.nu/iud4
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  That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.

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  (732): That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go. http://tfl.nu/exr6
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  I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

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  (732): I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas. http://tfl.nu/d95y
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  Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.

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  (732): Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate. http://tfl.nu/stwp
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  you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.

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  (732): you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic. http://tfl.nu/b9sf
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  She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.

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  (732): She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot. http://tfl.nu/el8s
  Replies (6) Good night (2224) Bad night (533)
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  because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think

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  (732): because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think http://tfl.nu/340q
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  Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.

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  (732): Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related. http://tfl.nu/sl34
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  I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.

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  (732): I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/4od2
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  I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me

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  (732): I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me http://tfl.nu/pe15
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  say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....

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  (732): say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today.... http://tfl.nu/1sxc
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  You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.

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  (732): You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire. http://tfl.nu/i4tp
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  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

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  Career choice validated

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  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
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  A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?

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  (732): A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me? http://tfl.nu/nk2r
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  I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty

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  (732): I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty http://tfl.nu/54ho
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