I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right