I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.