Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (647)

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  I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.

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  (647): I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life. http://tfl.nu/xuzg
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  Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

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  But that's half the fun of it

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  (647): Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics (416): But that's half the fun of it http://tfl.nu/vf29
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  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

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  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
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  Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.

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  (647): Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever. http://tfl.nu/jdwu
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  Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.

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  (647): Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday. http://tfl.nu/6zuu
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  he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?

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  (647): he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird? http://tfl.nu/hpqu
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  the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.

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  (647): the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is. http://tfl.nu/ndxc
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  she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

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  (647): she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener http://tfl.nu/wmbx
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  Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

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  (647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx
  Replies (24) Good night (1911) Bad night (1869) Order T-Shirt
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  making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

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  (647): making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself. http://tfl.nu/as80
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (2555)
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  You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost

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  (647): You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost http://tfl.nu/e5ly
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  I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

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  (647): I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution. http://tfl.nu/mh7s
  Replies (4) Good night (3429) Bad night (526)
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  Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

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  (647): Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral. http://tfl.nu/3rm8
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  i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

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  (647): i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces. http://tfl.nu/7l8v
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  I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

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  (647): I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask http://tfl.nu/g6ag
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