I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works