I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time