A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??