I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.