Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.