Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"