I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.