I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.