dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.