They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??